Second Letter: Notes on Meditation

February 2025

Building being demolished in Duluth, MN near the hospital my father was at in January.

TO: friends, acquaintances, colleagues, loved ones, etc.,
FROM: Me :^)

BODY:

In my journey to develop a personality beyond work, I decided that my first real letter would be about my experience with meditation thus far. Prior to this more focused attempt, I had tried some mindfulness practices and ashtanga yoga (moving meditation) but never quite stuck with any of them. I still remember during college when my therapist gave me the homework to try mindful eating: chewing every bite for as long as possible, not putting more food on your utensil prior to completing what you were currently eating, and when you did go for more food to fill and then empty and then refill your utensil before bringing it back to your mouth. It was excruciating as an experiment and I reported as much to her, though looking back my discomfort with the exercise says a lot about where I was at mentally during that time: constantly uncomfortable.

I have been meditating regularly for about a month now. I started following two important events coincided with one another: David Lynch dying and my father being in the hospital following emergency surgery.¹ Though the latter was far more emotionally taxing for obvious reasons, it is important they happened together. As I lay awake late one night on the couch-turned-“bed” in my father’s hospital room after opting to stay with him for another night, I scrolled past post after post of quotes and videos of Lynch.² The ones which stood out to me the most were those that focused on the value of meditation to his practice as an artist/filmmaker.

Said tweet from Lynch quoted below.

While reading about the “field of peace within” that could “be enlivened and brought to the surface,” I thought of my own turbulent emotions in the days since arriving to be with my family. I was surprised by how difficult it had been to keep my head above the proverbial water, of the intensity of my emotions, of the shadow of parental loss, of the reality of my own aging, among other things. And so, I decided to try to access this mythic place of emotional depth away from the shallows of reactionary feeling. I looked up how to do transcendental meditation or TM (the practice which Lynch used) and went with it. I am glad I did.

It would be more honest to say I have been practicing meditation in the style of TM (as I have yet to pursue an in-person class which is ostensibly required to practice it formally) but I have nonetheless been moved by my experiences thus far.³ Twice a day, nearly every day since January 19, I have sat down and closed my eyes for 20-minutes. It took some time to get into it. But even the gentle framing of letting your mind wander when it does but still redirecting with the repetition of whatever mantra you’re to say has brought me to such interesting corners of my own mind even within the first month. Among the experiences I’ve had while meditating include hearing a small silver bell, seeing a candle flicker out and fill a room with smoke but not being afraid, various writing ideas for whatever I have was working on at the time, and the feeling of my heart sinking below me into a feeling of peace. More generally the feeling of sinking is the most recurrent experience.

However the most striking thing I have realized through this practice is how little space I had given myself in the past to just sit with myself. I often think of life prior to adopting this practice, how even periods of “rest” would often involve the consumption of images, ads, videos, gossip, ads, ideas, ads, and so on. How little room this left for stillness within my own mind and life. But now, there is a place for it. A place for just being that has no need for defense. It feels corny to write, but it nonetheless remains true to me.⁴ I am unsure how long I will keep this up as a regular practice, though for the time being I plan on staying with it for some time.

Part of why I felt moved to write about this is I felt like there really wasn’t much writing I enjoyed about the experience of meditation that wasn’t dense with spiritual truisms or generally preachy. I hope this isn’t either of those things, but who knows.

Watching: Bergman films,⁵ Companion (2024),⁶ I’m Still Here (2024)⁷

Listening:⁸ Perfume Genius’s new singles, Erasmo Carlos, Roger Fahkr, Timo Andres, Miya Folick⁹

Reading: Anooradha Iyer Siddiqi’s Architecture of Migration: The Dabaad Refugee Camps and Humanitarian Settlement (2023), Kaveh Akbar’s Martyr! (2024),¹⁰ Engseng Ho's The Graves of Tarim Genealogy and Mobility Across the Indian Ocean (2006)

Traveling: No where :^)

Seeing: Nothing (Still on art hiatus)

Trying: Smoothies for breakfast

Debating: Getting a buzzcut¹¹

That’s all for now, love you, bye!

Sincerely,
JZ

NOW OUT IN THE WORLD: You can use this link to access my most recent article in Art Journal for free! I wrote it with my very good friend, Rachel Tang. It’s about hotels and big paintings that got destroyed in Glacier National Park: https://www.tandfonline.com/eprint/KM4C8W9VIJGQQPFASVFN/full?target=10.1080/00043249.2024.2409016

1. Tony/My Dad is fine now btw!

2. Decidedly the last time the algorithm did anything right by me.

3. There is a chance that I may never as I find paying $400+ for any even remotely spiritual practice suspicious at best.

4. I think this substack generally is an exercise in being corny.

5. Loved Persona, Seventh Seal was a little opaque for me at the moment but I like… get it?

6. It was fine! Fun! Mostly! I guess?

7. Excellent film, thank you Elizabeth and Brandon for the encouragement to go.

8. Recently switched to Tidal from Spotify. It’s going okay thus far. Definitely notice the sound quality difference.

9. Thank you Haj for the recommendation.

10. This one is going to take a while ngl. Not because I don’t like it, but because I am having a hard time staying attached to fiction writing at the moment.

11. More on this later probably